Episode 8: Stop Taking Everything Personally

Not everything is about you. 

People are going to have opinions, bad days, and sometimes just say dumb sh*t—it doesn’t mean it’s a personal attack ❤️  

In this episode, we’re breaking down why taking things too personally will slow you down in life and business, and how to build thicker skin without losing your humanity. Let’s get real about what actually matters and how to move forward without getting caught up in the noise.

Tune in, take notes, and stop letting every little thing get under your skin.

Follow me on Socials!

Instagram:
The Black Sheep Collective

TikTok:
Elise Kennedy Official

Transcript

0:05

welcome to real as fuck the official podcast of the Black Sheep Collective a haven for those who dare to be different and I'm your host Elise Kennedy we talk about all things love life relationships business and everything in between but with a black sheep mentality here's to celebrating your unique authentic selves and remembering that being a black sheep isn't a burden it's your fucking superpower hey everyone and welcome to another episode of real as fuck the official podcast of the Black Sheep Collective and I'm your host Elise Kennedy and for today's episode I wanted to speak into something that I myself have been guilty of and that is taking things too personally so whether it's client feedback or my husband giving me feedback or my mom telling me how to clean something for example anything I've always fallen into the trap of my own of my own doing by the way of just taking things so damn personally when really life would be so much simpler when we're not taking things personally I'm not I'm not saying to completely not feel anything or brainwash yourself into not feeling anything because that's not the idea here the idea here is being detached from any sort of feedback in a way that you automatically think that either someone's giving you feedback because they think so low of you or they don't care about you or they just wanna hurt your feelings or they're just so critical all the time that's not the case I mean of course there may be those rare cases that you're just talking to an asshole or here with an asshole but for the most part I would like to think that people when they say something it's either really a reflection of who they are what their principles are their values how their day went even like you someone could be giving you feedback right and it could be a projection of exactly what had transpired from their day and it's probably just trickling down into you know their conversation with you um so yeah this episode is also inspired by a very very good friend of mine and we had this conversation this morning because you know she has just been surrounded by people like us who have been low balling her not paying her what she's worth and I remember like she said something like they just think so low of us don't they and that statement really struck me and I actually realized and told her because lately I have been practicing this where I really try my best to not take things personally and I actually told her you know what that's probably not the case you know it it could just be a perception problem where No.1 I told her and I told her lovingly I told her you know you kind of have set a precedent um where you said yes to a lower rate so why would they think to offer something for you at a higher rate when you have said yes so many times to a lower rate right so that set a precedent and sometimes we fail to realize that you know the way people treat us we actually set the stage for that you know unless you actually speak up and repeatedly tell somebody this is not how I want to be treated or if you tell a client that hey sorry but um I've raised my rates or um I won't work for anybody below $500 etcetera etcetera like it really is up to us to set the stage to set that precedent as to how we wanna be treated and most of the times we forget that we also play a role we play a part right and how people would treat us so in terms of of that you know when when she said they just think so lowly of us I found myself telling her let's not take it personally because number one that that president has been set right and number two it doesn't really matter if they want to pay people for cheap for example that's not a reflection of how they see us or what would actually help is to not think or immediately go that way or immediately think that you know what they just they just don't value us or you know they they think we're worthless or something like that like it's a normal reaction though we normally automatically think you know what this person's low balling me this person's like not willing to pay me more because of me it's me like they just think I'm X y Z we automatically go there but if we try to take a step back and not take things personally and actually immediately think you know what it's them it's either a perception problem they probably fucked up with a lot of finances and money and you know they're just trying to feel it out and see if they can pay you lower like there are so many other reasons why someone could be treating you a certain way and it doesn't have anything to do with you as a human being and a lot of the times we as human beings take shit personally right and like for example with me I had a recent challenge that I had to overcome with a client and I started to take her feedback personally like I cried about it and I opened up to her and told her I don't feel like I'm good enough for you like I started sounding like I was in a relationship with with somebody um but those words actually came out of my mouth and I said I don't feel like I'm good enough and then I realized holy shit like me taking that feedback personally it was on me well yes you know that's just how I reacted to things but it's on me like most of the time we are responsible for our own emotions for how we feel the stories we tell ourselves the things that we allow our minds to go to that's on us so I think the best way to not take things personally is to take a pause breathe you know I I know that it's so easy for us to go into that rabbit hole and you know spiral into those negative thoughts and then you start having imposter syndrome and then you start questioning yourself and then like that's exactly how it happens for me when I take things personally like I have a client and she had repeatedly told me hey if I speak to you and you think that I'm sounding like a bitch or something it's just because I'm you know I'm not American and I I basically just sound like this culturally I'm just like this and then that's also what I when I realize like you know what that's true I cannot be taking anything so personally while yes it matters to me the quality of my work and it bothers me when a client isn't super happy with with what I've done or what I've sent them but at the end of the day right they're not gonna give feedback just to spit on you they're not gonna give feedback just to be a bitch they're just giving feedback because No. 1 they care about their business No. 2 they trust you enough to outsource that task over to you and if you're not fulfilling an expectation or you're not matching a standard that they have in their heads they would speak up about it as is their right so I think after you take a pause when someone says something to you right No. 2 you can always speak up and again it's normal to feel things and it's okay I'm not saying that you're not allowed to take things personally but what I'm saying is try to not stay in that position where after you start take something taking something personally you spiral and then you just go into this rabbit hole in your head and you just continue continue continue to just think so negatively of yourself until you're just sick of yourself and then like literally at some point I did this to myself last week I spiraled and I was already telling my husband I just want to quit my business I don't want to do this anymore and he was just looking at me and saying are you okay and I was just telling him I don't want to do this anymore I just want to be a wife I just want to be a mom I don't want a fucking girl boss anymore I'm so fucking tired all because I was taking things so personally I was taking everything to heart and I started to forget how amazing I was I started to forget I actually know my shit if a client asks hey why aren't the ads generating sales yet you know the answer to that it's not a me problem it's taking some time right like you always have the answer to things and I have to keep reminding myself I know my shit I'm great at this I would not have survived the first 5 years of business and would not have hit six figures like the income that I've always wanted to hit in my in my currency I would not have hit this income if I didn't know my shit like if I were a fraud and I could just fake my way through life I don't think I would have gotten this far but I work with integrity I know my shit and if I don't know my shit I research or I actually hire someone to teach me so that I can start knowing more about my shit because I know that I'm not the smartest person in the room I know that there's improvements to be made I know that I can be better but I know at the same time that I don't suck so the next time someone says something to you don't take it personally don't immediately go there where you start belittling yourself because at the end of the day when you think about it when you start going into that direction of oh they probably think of me this way or they they probably don't value me that's you that's you telling those stories in your head that's probably your own perception of yourself really because if you keep going through that same thought pattern if you keep going through that same thought cycle I have a feeling that it's actually you who sees yourself that way and that's why you start to take things so personally so yeah that's that's my blurb that's my brain vomit for today um so yeah are you the kind of person who takes it really personally you take it to heart and I totally understand it if you are a very passionate person especially with your work with your business or even if it's in a relationship and your partner gives you feedback and you super take it to heart um try not to take it personally as well and try to look at it from their perspective or maybe ask questions and be like why do you keep saying these things about me like honestly you know come from a place of curiosity take a pause breathe be curious ask questions and don't immediately jump into conclusions that you're creating for yourself so I hope you enjoy this episode I hope this was super helpful and feel free to share it to anybody who you think will actually benefit from this so yeah I'm gonna be signing off and until the next episode bye