Episode 7: The KEY to Juggling Everything

Busy mamas/dads out there raising kids, at the height of your careers, struggling to balance out everything.

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU.

As a juggling entrepreneur - being a full-time mom, raising my kids, while running a business full-time AND wife-ing - it's a lot to manage!

I've got 3 pieces of advice for you on how to juggle and manage everything. Trust me - this episode is probably one of my favorites ❤️

If this spoke to you - feel free to drop a comment or leave an honest 5-star review! Greatly appreciate it xx

Your OG BlackSheep Mama,
Elise xx 

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Transcript

Welcome to Real as Fuck, the official podcast of the Black Sheep Collective, a haven for those who dare to be different. And I'm your host, Elise Kennedy.  We talk about all things love, life, relationships, business, and everything in between, but with a Black Sheep mentality. Here's to celebrating your unique authentic selves and remembering that being a black sheep isn't a burden.

It's your fucking superpower  Welcome back to Real As Fuck the official podcast of the Black Sheep Collective, and I'm your host Elise Kennedy and I know it's been a while. It's been a hot minute since I actually recorded something new,  and I guess for today, I'm gonna try and keep it short, and I want to talk about  how difficult it is, how challenging it is to actually balance out everything, and this doesn't matter if you're a mom or a dad, but if you If you are in a relationship or you're married, you have kids and you have a full time job or you're running a business or you're focusing on your career and you're trying to juggle everything,  I think this episode is going to be super perfect for you because I'm going to speak into something a little bit personal that has kind of happened to me quite recently and it has something to do with  just trying to balance everything out and I think you know, not to diminish what fathers are doing, especially those dads who are also working at the same time or running businesses at the same time. 

I would like to emphasize that  I guess for mothers is a lot more difficult because we don't have the  innate capabilities that men have where you can just compartmentalize and not have to think about so many things at the same time.  I don't know. But I feel like generally speaking, men are so good at compartmentalizing things that, you know, you don't have. 

That tendency to overthink the way women do, especially mothers, and  I think  it also has a lot to do with our upbringing and just how society has kind of molded us into, you know, just into these robots,  basically, especially for women. It's like society expects us to be these superheroes, these superwomen that, you know,  we praise women.

Especially those who are juggling everything, being moms, having babies, and then running a business or having full time jobs at the same time, and that we're kind of expected to still have that bangin body, you know, still have sex with our husbands every single day and  be great mothers at the same time.

And if you are like me and you've grown up in an Asian culture, you also have that responsibility towards your own Immediate family and I'm not talking about your husband and your kids, but I'm talking about like Your immediate family from where you came from, like, let's say your mother, your father, or if you have siblings that, you know, that you're paying for your, their education or something like that, like,  it's very different, especially in a very Asian Filipino culture where, you know, if you, if you're the one who's the breadwinner, you've got the money, you're kind of expected to also  you know, help support that part, that side of your family, even if you've already left that house, even if you've, you know, you've already empty nested away from that house and you've built your own tiny family for yourself.

It's just the thing.  So  I think this podcast is probably going to be really short. And if you find yourself kind of nodding your head and you can relate, then just keep listening. Because what I'm about to say, I feel, Hopefully, is going to encourage you to really prioritize, number one, yourself, and then number two, you have to prioritize your relationship.

So I don't care if you're married,  I don't care if you're  gay, straight, whatever, like,  this is, I'm, I'm talking to people who are in partner relationships, whether it's a marriage or you're, you know.  In a long term relationship, your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, and mostly this is, yeah, this would speak to people who have a kid or have kids and both of you are actually either having full time jobs  or running a business. 

And something that I have realized is that, number one, it doesn't help to keep telling yourself that, you know what, we'll work on it, we'll work on it, we'll work on it. We'll make time, but then you don't sit down and actually make the time,  like, it's just all words and you just keep winging it and you don't proactively make that effort to,  you know,  Really  put your relationship first because a lot of the times when we have children, we think that the most important thing is to become great parents.

While that is a priority,  people tend to lose sight of that. their relationships with themselves and with each other.  I remember, like, I used to be friends with somebody and he and his wife divorced and this would always stick to me because he told me that, Hey, you know what? We became such great parents, but then we stopped dating each other. 

We failed at being, you know, each other's, like, husband and wife. We became great parents. For sure, but we totally forgot that we had to nourish our own relationship first, and I think that's very important. A lot of people  lose sight of that. You know, we can be great parents. Like, yes, that is definitely a priority.

We want our kids to, you know, grow up a certain way. We want the best for them. That's all great,  but we also have to remember and consider that our children will always learn by example and they will always learn based on what they see. I think we would be setting them up for success, especially for their future relationships.

If they want to have, you know, families of their own, if they want to have partners. Of their own,  um, because who knows, like they can be just perpetually single their entire lives, but  it will definitely help them if they see that mom and dad, or mom and mom, or dad and dad, or whatever, if they see that mom and dad are  being gross, and  Loving each other and being affectionate and you know still date each other because they're gonna bring that  Until they grow up like that would be what's normal for them And I feel that a lot of us  grew up in households where parents just stopped caring for each other You know, it's very rare that I've seen parents actually still be gross and date each other and flirt and You know, still think that  their husband or their wives are the hottest thing on earth.

Like, it's very rare that I see that, and I think we need more of that. And a lot of us actually, I think,  forget that. That that's the most important thing.  So, that's my number one advice, is to actually keep on building and rebuilding that relationship that you have with your partner. And most especially yourself.

Like,  It's such a cliche, it's overly used, but it is true that you can't pour from an empty cup, so you really have to put yourself first, so that you can be an amazing partner, and in turn, you can be an amazing parent,  right? And a lot of us kind of have it the other way around, like we think. That if we become amazing parents,  we become an amazing partner.

And then maybe you'll have time for yourself,  but life just doesn't work that way.  Which leads me to point number two.  Don't be afraid to ask for support. You know, in your business, if you are a one woman show or a one man show, or in your job,  um, you're basically handling all the things,  I guess, for a full-time job is like, it's different because. 

You're reporting to a boss or something like that and  great if you have an amazing boss that you can just ask, Hey, like I might need an assistant or, you know, we're lacking manpower. I can't be doing everything,  everything all at once. Like everything's on my plate.  So that's a different story. But if you're running a business,  maybe it's time to outsource and delegate.

But if you love the creative part of your business, like for me, it's so hard for me to find. Somebody who can basically replicate what I'm doing, so the most that I have to be outsourcing and delegating is the childcare support.  And right now, I'm just lucky that my mom is here to be able to help me and I told myself, okay, once my mom leaves and if John's mom isn't here  to help, I would really have to, you know, sit down and try to get a babysitter.

Um, I'm not really a fan of going to daycare myself because I've, like, a lot of kids just get sick from that. I don't think I'm ready for that.  So, I would have to look for someone who is willing to come here. at our home and, you know, babysit for a few hours so that I can be totally focused at work because kids, fuck, they're demanding.

Like, the first time around that I had a child, it wasn't like this, okay? Totally not like this. And for the most part, I either had a lot of help or I actually had to work.  outside of the house. Like I didn't do remote jobs a lot. So I think like 70 percent of my career before I started my business, I was working at an office.

So I was able to have that separation from work. or employment and being a mom. So that was a lot easier for me. But now it's so difficult just trying to juggle and balance everything. There'll be days like, I'm not kidding, there'll be days like I'd be crying  or I would just feel like  the world is crashing down on me and it's just so overwhelming and overpowering that  it.

It started to take a toll on me. Like, I started, you know, just trying to be everything for everyone. And that fucked up my health. That fucked up my sleep. Especially when we got back from the States. And I feel like that almost fucked up my own marriage. Like, my own relationship. Because I was not sleeping in a room.

Because I started sleeping on the couch. I started getting sick. And it was just, it was just really bad. And then that's when I realized, like, you know what, if you really don't Make yourself a priority. It's just this ridiculous domino effect where  It'll just  go like crumbling down and eventually something it's not it's not as something has to give something's gonna give  Okay, so that's number two you know look for ways on how to delegate and outsource and ask for support because  You can't do it all like you just can't  And the number three, continue to date. 

Date yourself, date your partner, and date your family.  And that might be like a little redundant with number one, but it's whatever. But I feel like  it is very important that you do stuff for yourself,  even if it's having a personal trainer. Like I recently just, you know, I told myself, okay, every time I look in the mirror, I'm just so dissatisfied with my body.

My body was so different before I got pregnant. And now I'm still like the same weight that I've had, that I, that I've been on and it's frustrating and I don't want to feel this way because  if I don't feel sexy, if I don't feel like I'm proud of my body, how is that going to affect,  you know, how I show up for my husband?

Because that is part of a marriage, the intimacy, the intimacy part that's very important, right? So I want to be able to fall in love with my own bodies that I can also show up  in that aspect for my husband.  And  that, for me, is one example of dating yourself. Like, I don't have to go to a frickin spa by myself.

I think I have to start taking care of my body too.  And then,  I told John that, Hey, we need weekly date nights. Um, since my mom is here,  we would need to schedule weekly date nights. It doesn't have to be  a crazy date night. It could just be us like having an errand, running an errand rather, or watching a movie for like two hours, or  just being out of the house, or having coffee, having dinner.

Doesn't have to be something super major, but,  but it has to stop feeling foreign that we don't have our son around us. Because I don't know if my husband feels that way, but like with me, With, with my daughter before, like, I couldn't wait to have me time and then this time around it's different because I guess it's different when you have a supportive partner and you have a husband who's actually there and present  and you're, you've just gotten used to being around your, your, your baby for so long that being away from them now feels foreign. 

And I, it has to stop feeling foreign. And I know everybody is on their own timeline.  I'm not going to force it. But I think we've crossed, you know, the 12  month mark. Like, he's turned one year and I think it's about time that we kind of started going back to normal in a sense. I'm not saying having a baby is not normal, but you know what I mean.

Like, kind of  easing into that routine where you do need to make time.  And one of my clients actually published a reel, and it was something like,  couples who fail are basically those who say things like,  Oh, I'm just tired. I'm exhausted. We don't have time to have sex. You know what? Um, we'll just do it tomorrow.

And every time that you say those things every single day, you're honestly digging a grave  into your relationship.  And I don't believe in not having Everything, not being able to achieve everything. I actually do honestly believe that it is possible to have everything, have a thriving business, have a beautiful partnership, and have a family that just grows by your side.

I honestly believe that that is possible. So, Yeah, um, I'm gonna keep it short, and I just wanted this podcast to remind people that,  you know, your career or job,  while it's there, and it's the thing that is  sustaining your life  in this 3D world, like in terms of finances and financial abundance and all that stuff,  and it's also giving you a sense of fulfillment, right? 

Um, You still have to really prioritize yourself,  your relationship, your kids, and work has to come last, like it really does, and I I tell myself  that, I've been telling myself that ever since me and my husband had, you know, like a long overdue conversation that had to happen. And today I actually felt really good because I just kept asking him, Is there something you need from me?

What can I do to help? And he actually asked help from me and you know what? I was like, Hey, you know what? I'm going to give the baby a bath because he normally does that and I kind of put them first and put my work afterwards and  It felt great because you know at the end of the day  I can always find clients I can always build another business, but my family is not something that I can just say you know what I can Just build another family like they're not  And I'm not saying that my work is replaceable, but in terms of  if I would have to choose, I would choose my family any day. 

And I think a lot of us have lost sight of that, so I hope that this is a good reminder for everyone to prioritize your relationships. Your work, your career is always going to be there. Your clients will understand. Believe me, over communicate with your clients if you can have that kind of relationship with them.

And just fucking tell them, hey, I can't be on a call. I have to do this for my family. Hey, I'm sorry. Like, it's okay to say no. You don't have to say yes to your clients all the fucking time. So yeah, I hope that this podcast episode, has opened your eyes, made you realize things, and  yeah, hopefully I will see you on the next one, hopefully not too far apart from this episode.

And you have a good night, and always remember that being a black sheep,  embrace your, embrace being different, like. What I say right now is probably an unpopular opinion and people are actually saying that no, you should hustle, you should grind, like your family is going to understand. They will understand  for a certain, like, at a certain extent, I think.

Um,  not everyone's gonna, like, keep holding out.  Don't wait for that moment to actually happen where the other shoe drops and your partner would just be like, but you never gave time for me.  Right.  So yeah, off to the next episode and I hope you guys have a good one.