Episode 4: My TOP Relationship Advice!

...for women who have been stuck with guys who can't commit, SDE (small d*ck energy) guys, f*ckboys, cheaters, and liars, and who keep celebrating breadcrumbs—when they deserve so much more!

In this episode, I share you my story about my own relationships with the masculine/men growing up, and how it's shaped me into the woman I am today: manifesting my dream partner and finally breaking years' worth of toxicity from relationships—romantic, professional, and friends/family!

It's my longest episode yet, but the nuggets and advice? TOTALLY WORTH IT. ❤️ 

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Transcript

0:06

Welcome to Real as Fuck, the official podcast of the Black Sheep Collective, a haven for those who dare to be different. And I'm your host, Elise Kennedy. We talk about all things love, life, relationships, business, and everything in between, but with a Black Sheep mentality. Here's to celebrating your unique, authentic selves, and remembering that being a Black Sheep isn't a burden. It's your fucking superpower. Hello and welcome to Real As Fuck, the official podcast of the Black Sheep Collective, and I'm your host, Elise Kennedy. It's been a hot minute, okay, since I've posted on here and I try to do it every week, but life happens. I'm a little stoked. Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little stoked about this download that came through to me today and it's inspired by someone actually asking me advice when it comes to guys and for some reason since I was in college I've been surrounded by people who just keep asking me for advice and it's particularly about guys which is funny because um I didn't really have the best childhood growing up in terms of having an actual father slash father figure around because we were raised mostly by my mom so my father was, uh, around, maybe until I was around high school and then afterwards, you know, that didn't work out. And even then, before my parents had decided to go their separate ways, I never really had a real relationship with my dad. So I never had that strong bond with a masculine. with, with a male figure, with a masculine. And that trickled down a lot into my relationships and how I handled men. I had really low, low, low, low spread, no, I had really low self worth coming into relationships, especially when I was in college. So the first person who actually wanted to take me seriously, I fucking went ahead with Even if all the red flags, all the signs pointed to girl, bitch, run the other way, which I did not do, and it took me five years to really wake up and decide that it was time for me to go. It was time for me to go. The thing that really put things into perspective for me and gave me the confidence to leave that relationship was actually my daughter, because it was a very physically abusive relationship amongst other things. But that was the biggest factor and, you know, a lot of people would say, Well, why didn't you leave earlier? You already had signs earlier in your relationship. Why didn't you just break it off and leave that person? And my only response to that all the time is, I didn't love myself enough to know that There was something better out there for me. And there was also that play into religion. I kept thinking, okay, I met this person at church. Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all. Maybe he's going to change. And ladies, I know that you want to change. To think you always wish that you can change somebody, but at the end of the day, guys, a guy will only change when he decides to change. We really can't actively help someone. I mean, we can probably help someone change, but until it's actually their final decision that they want to execute that change in their life, you're always gonna regret it. Get attracted or magnetized and run after guys who would just treat you at the bare minimum. And even then, a lot of the times when women get treated with bare minimum, they think that, oh my god, this guy opened the door for me. Women, this is exactly how guys are supposed to treat women. Okay, okay. So why is it that a lot of us settle for breadcrumbs? Why is it that a lot of us settle for the bare minimum and I would attribute that to number one It's how we grew up. You could probably be like me Didn't really grow up with a strong male figure father figure father in her in her life And so as we grow up, as we get older, and as we start to navigate through our relationships outside of the family, outside of school, outside of work, like really start to cultivate those personal relationships, we look for That fatherly love that we never got and if you're like me, I became a serial dater, never cheated. That is one thing that I'm super proud of with myself, um, about myself rather. I became a I knew that I was meant to be in a partnership, in a relationship, um, of course I would have gone like longer periods of time being single, but normally before my dating life was just a complete shit show because I would date and then as soon as the first sign of a red flag would come up, I would just be like, Because I had already learned my lesson with that, with that ex of mine and I told myself I don't want to be in this kind of relationship anymore. And so, you know, I think I started to develop like this anxious, actually, I think I was like a combination of these different attachment issues. I would either be avoidant in the sense that I would avoid any semblance of emotion, so I was very, very good at being in pseudo relationships slash situationships and not develop any feelings or emotions. I started to think like a typical guy. And At the other end of the spectrum, when I fell in love, I fell hard and then I would also ignore the red flags and I would start negotiating and I would start making excuses for somebody. But the good thing is I didn't take that long enough anymore to actually vocalize, verbalize what I really wanted in a relationship. And if I didn't get it, it wouldn't even last a year because either 90 percent of the time I would do the dumping and then that other 10 percent I did get sort of dumped once, which is the best thing ever, you know, I thought it was the end of the world, but I realized like, oh my god, it was a good thing that that relationship didn't work out because then I would have settled for somebody who couldn't really commit to me. And so, you know, being dumped, Sucked at that time, but best thing ever to have happened to me. And then fast forward to my last relationship before my now husband. That was, I think, one of the worst things to ever happen to me, but it was also such a huge blessing because I finally knew what it meant when they say, if a guy loves you, dot dot dot. So if a guy loves you, dot dot dot. They won't allow anybody to touch you. They won't allow anybody to, like, not in a controlling way, okay? But they would have this sense of babahuran ka in Tagalog. They would have this sense of protection over you. I didn't get that. from that relationship. In all fairness, in that relationship, the pandemic started and so this person wasn't able to fly into the Philippines for a good two years. And in that two years, like, I have a pretty strong feeling that he didn't really cheat on me or whatever. But before that, I already had an experience with him where he had lied. Very, very, very, very huge lie. And that didn't stop me from breaking things off with him because at that time I kept crucifying myself for being mentally ill. I kept crucifying myself for putting him through things that I thought were my fault, only to find out that I wasn't going crazy at all, that I was gaslit the whole time. I was being lied to the whole time. And once I found out that. All these things happened, but didn't happen because apparently this person had a complete double life outside of our relationship. Everything that I thought was real was apparently not real. Oh my freaking goodness, I kid you not. The day that I found out there was an earthquake, it was 5 in the morning, I found out about everything, it was 5 in the morning, I was on the couch sleeping, and there was a massive earthquake, and as that was happening, I was just crying my eyes out, and I was like, holy fuck, who was I with for the past 5 and a half years, I think we were together for almost 6, and I honestly thought that that person was my endgame, even though I wrote a fucking book about it and then after I published the book, we, we freaking broke up, okay? That was the best part, the most ironic part about it. But after that, I told myself, fuck, I am so done with being lied to. I am done with all these things happening to me. And now, I can confidently say that I finally got it right. I finally manifested that person who is completely right for me. Is he perfect? 99 percent yes. There's still that 1 percent that of course, like every other person in the world, he would make mistakes. There would be things that would be said that you wish they hadn't said. Um, It's a relationship and you're dealing with a person that no matter how, no matter how you think you're the same, you're still two different people and you will have arguments, you'll have disagreements, you won't be agreeing with each other all the freaking time. And you know what, that's okay. But for the most part, it's super great. It's happy. We're two years going strong and even if we had like some bumps along the way, there was a point where I was like, Fuck this, I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe I should just break things off. Maybe I should, you know, maybe I should just, just be single for a very, very long time. Like I would, I always tell myself, okay, is this really worth leaving a relationship for or is this just me being afraid to actually work through something with somebody because it became my M. O. at some point in my life that I just didn't want to work. Work it out with somebody. I'm like, no, fuck this. You hurt me. I'm done. That was my MO I would break it off before the person has the opportunity to leave me and then I Realized that was me operating from a place of trauma That was me operating from the trauma of not being loved by my dad not being Um, pursued by my father. Like, I reached out so many times for him and I to reconcile and have a talk, but he would end up just not answering my phone calls. He would end up blocking my number. Yeah, like, that's what happened and to be rejected by the one person who's supposedly biologically programmed to love me and he's fine not having me in his life, that's pretty fucking traumatic, you can say. Um, but you know, like I've accepted it that I guess maybe like family, as much as we want to think that we're blood and we're supposed to be da da da da da, like your father's supposed to love you this way and your daughter's supposed to love you this way. It just, sometimes life just doesn't happen that way, and That's okay. You know, it's, it fucking hurts, but that's okay. We end up receiving that kind of love that we need, sometimes outside of family, sometimes it's not from people that we're blood related to, and that's okay. And that's also a beautiful thing, when you really think about it, because then you know that, Your happiness as much as you don't want to rely on other people for your happiness, but of course we're humans and we're kind of biologically programmed to either procreate or just be surrounded by community by people and And if it's not, if the love that you need isn't from your family, I am here to reassure you that this love, the love that you seek from community, from an environment that's really healthy and loving and supportive, you'll be able to find that. Even if it's not with your blood related family, you will still find, like, a family who will love you the way you want to be loved. I'm just here to tell you that because that Basically ended up being my story. Um, yeah, but that's for another episode. So, I digressed a shit ton so long from the main topic that I wanted to talk about. Sorry about that. So when someone keeps asking me for advice, like, hey, what should I do about this guy? Cause this guy is telling me X, Y, Z and then now he wants to take things slow. I Get asked. A lot. And the number one, the one piece of advice that's been consistent is always, like, coming from me, my number one piece of advice that's consistent is, look, if a guy really, really, truly, sincerely, genuinely loves you, he will make it easy. There's no such thing as too fast or too slow when a guy is 100 percent into you. In fact, too slow is not going to be their MO. They're actually going to be like, super excited to pursue you. They're going to look forward to spend time with you as much as possible. Those people who say, oh, but I still need my space. I love being in a relationship, but at the same time, I really don't like seeing this person every day. Like, why the fuck do you even get into a relationship? Because if you noticed, When you're super duper attracted to somebody, and not just physically attracted, but you're attracted to their soul, you're attracted to their values, that you're magnetized by their energy, you can't help it. You want to be around this person all the fucking time. And whenever a guy leaves breadcrumbs for you, and you think that that's going above and beyond, just ask yourself this question. And I, I wrote about it in, in one of my posts. Would you, like your friend, or your child, or your sibling, or just somebody that you truly care for, would you want that person dating the kind of person that you are asking about right now? Would you? And it really pains me when a lot of women settle for these guys who they don't even come close to the bare minimum, okay? They just accept that this is the best they could do because this is what they got. And that makes me so sad because they start glamorizing, sensationalizing, these little shitty moves of these small dick energy guys. And they're like, oh my god, he opened the door for me. Oh my god, he picked me up today. Oh my gosh, he actually texted me today. Oh my gosh, he took a selfie while he was at work and sent it to me while he was at work. Girl, if you can see my face right now, I'd be like, that's the bare minimum, okay? My husband does that for me every single day. Even when we're married, we still make it a point that we talk to each other every single day. And case in point, in my last relationship, I was telling myself, Oh my God, I love being so independent. I don't have to talk to this person every single day. I kid you not, in the five years that I was with this person and half of that we were long distance, I couldn't last a week without speaking to this person. to this person. Okay, we would text, don't get me wrong, we would text every day, but I survived being in a long distance relationship without going on video calls regularly. And sometimes when we would chat, It would be on an audio call, and I thought that that was normal. I thought that I was empowering myself, and I wasn't being needy, and I was being like super fucking independent, and I wasn't jealous, I wasn't paranoid, and I thought that I was in a safe relationship. And when I look at it now, looking back at it, I'm like, oh no, fuck. It's because I've actually detached myself. from the relationship because I didn't want to miss him anymore. The pandemic did a number on us and I was like, fuck, I can't see this person. And then I'm being loyal and celibate, right? And that's how I learned how to survive. I took the emotions out of it. I took myself out of the relationship and told myself I just want to be independent. I don't want to feel anything. I don't want to miss him. I don't want to be paranoid. So I took the emotion out of it and I actually thought that that was empowering. No, it was not. And then another thing that I realized, I probably wasn't that into the relationship anymore because. Hello, you don't see someone for three years and then the Philippines suddenly opens up and this person Manages to make a fucking excuse that he got COVID Miraculously twice and he couldn't get a flight going to the Philippines. Are you fucking kidding me? You waited for this opportunity to happen for you to be able to go to the Philippines already and you fucking make up an excuse that you can't go to the Philippines. Are you f And being the gullible person that I am, I actually believed him at first and someone else had to ask me that question. That person asked me, did you ask your boyfriend for proof that he really has COVID? Because it's easy. He can show you a test result. He can show you a freaking medical anything. Any proof. And when I asked for it, he couldn't give me one and I was like fuck. I have been lied to over and over and over again. And guess what? After we broke up, he kept denying it, but after we broke up, I suddenly saw his profile picture on WhatsApp change into a profile picture of a woman and then He kept telling me before that he wasn't a social media kind of person. He doesn't really post that much. When I saw his social media, it was filled with his travels with this lady. And so, I was glad. You know, I don't know, maybe that was his way to make me jealous because I also had found someone? I don't know. But when I saw that, I was like, Okay, this is kind of fucked up because in the almost six years that we were together, in the five and a half years that we were together, he barely posted about me, and if I'm not mistaken, he probably just posted about me three or four times in the five and a half years that we were together. So, Ladies, another thing, guys can give you an excuse that, oh, I'm not a social media person. Look at, look at their activity, okay? If you already have a bad feeling about somebody, just go full, just go full FBI. If you already, if you tell that someone's lying to you, go full FBI first, if you really want confirmation. And just try to look at their activity. I kid you not, they're probably looking at naked girls on Instagram, liking other people's pictures, commenting on other people's posts, but they can't seem to post about you. I would only believe it that a guy is completely a not so social media person. They don't even have Instagram at all, like, installed on anything. Or they do have it, And then when you look at their activity, they're, it's completely non existent. That's probably the only time that I'll actually believe that. But 90 percent of the time when a guy says I'm not really a social media person, try to fucking search for their first and second names on social media. If you're just dating somebody, Oh my god, you have to search for their second name as well because that happened to me. They're like, oh, I don't have social media and guess what? When I searched for their second name, it turns out they were actually in a freaking long term relationship. Their profile picture was with their girlfriend and they had used their second name as their Facebook name. So yeah, I'm telling you a guy who is completely into you, who is completely in love with you Or at the very least someone who's completely serious about pursuing you and really wanting to see where this is gonna go Number one, they're not gonna say let's not label this What the fuck I have fallen for that trap so many times when a guy would say Hey, we're going too fast. I'm having fun with you But let's not label this because once we label it it's gonna put too much pressure Huh? No, because a guy who truly wants you they would actually want to fucking label that shit because they want You Something real. Yes, the label. It makes it real. Don't listen to anybody who tells you, oh, contrary, it just adds too much pressure or it's going to make things serious. That's the fucking point. If you are serious about somebody, you want to call this person wifey. You're going to put a ring on it. You're going to put, you're a person, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. That's number one. If someone tells you, can we just try and see where the leaves fall as they may? Oh my god, that's verbatim. Someone actually used that fucking line on me and I fell for it because I was like, yeah, you know what? I'm probably not really ready for a relationship. You start to fucking gaslight even yourself. You start to negotiate with yourself and then you start putting down your standards to match this dumb ass's fucking player ass standards. to kid yourself into thinking that you're dating someone okay. Women, do not settle for okay because you deserve extraordinary. You deserve someone who makes you fucking horny every single time you see them. You deserve someone who excites you, you deserve someone who tickles your fancy, who lights you up, who inspires you to do shit like this. Like, even if my husband doesn't fully understand what I do in my business, and he knows I'm weird, He tells me, but I like your weird. And he supports me even if he doesn't fully, I know he doesn't fully grasp and understand all these other things that I'm doing. I used to be so shy to go and post reels and have a podcast and stuff because I thought that he would think that it's weird on my end. He would, you know, like I'm trying to be some sort of, you Influencer, thought leader, whatever it is. I thought he would get so turned off by that. But no, I found out that he actually listens to fucking podcasts. He shares me a lot of reels where people stuff about relationships and and things like that. I really landed a gem. Anyway, that's number one. Don't fucking believe it when a guy tells you. Let's not label it. Number two, when a guy actually tells you, hey, we're going too fast. Can we slow down? But you guys already had sex. That's another, um, girl. Okay, I cannot fault you. I can't tell somebody don't sleep with a guy on the first date. Like if, if it feels right for you, go ahead, but What I realized personally is that when you make a guy wait, don't make them wait forever, but when you actually make a guy wait, kind of make them work, work for it. It's like when you have a really, really fancy meal. High end restaurant or like a five star if a six star restaurant existed you get served courses, right? You don't get served the the main course yet You get an appetizer you have bread you have like you have all these little teasers Before you get to the main course and then you have a little bit of dessert But before you get to the main course you have like all these itty bitty yummy things That's what you're supposed to do serve them the itty bitty yummy things but don't put yourself out there in the sense that you just You know, you have sex straight away. Unless, like I said, unless it feels good for you, unless you know you're ready, unless you're not taking it seriously, I mean, who am I to judge people who just want to have sex for the sake of having sex? I've been there. But my advice is, as much as you want to go and fuck around, Those experiences are going to, I wouldn't say haunt you in the end, but those experiences would get exhausting, would make you feel empty eventually, like it gets tiring, okay? I've had my fun, and I won't, I have zero regrets about it because then I can tell myself at least I've already, you know, I've exhausted that kind of Dating mentality and I won't have those what ifs now that I have settled down so go ahead have your fun as Long as you are ready to hold whatever emotions or trauma or Triggers that would come up for you after you actually immerse yourself in that kind of dating experience Because emotions are gonna come up a lot of triggers are gonna come up A lot of things are going to come up, believe me, and it's good to experiment, like if you feel like you have the emotional, mental, spiritual, and fuck me, physical capacity to experiment and still feel safe in your own body at the same time. By all means, go for it. Explore your sexuality, whatever it is that you want to do. But I'm just here to tell you as well that those things, they're gonna store something in your memory. They're gonna teach you lessons and Unless you're ready to take those lessons head on, unless you're ready for your heart to explore what's gonna get triggered eventually, don't. Okay? I'm just saying. Number three. I get a lot of questions about What am I gonna do if they're not over their ex? Don't even try. Don't even help them move on or forget the ex don't. Because it is hard to be in a relationship as it is when you feel whole, and you, of course, when you're single, you're not really triggered, right? So you think you're okay. You think you're whole, and then all of a sudden you get into a relationship and all these triggers come up. All these things come up. At least if you. If you end up in a relationship where you can actually talk about things, sure, that's okay. But when someone is still getting over somebody else and you can tell that this is what makes up the bulk of your conversations, I would suggest that you actually take a step back. And again, ask yourself, if you had a daughter, or if you had a best friend, or whatever, a sister or a sibling or somebody that you cared about and they keep telling you the same thing. Oh my God, I'm so in love with, um, let's, let's use a name with Austin, never dated an Austin. Awesome. Let's say, Oh my God, I'm so in love with Austin. But then he keeps talking about his ex. What would you say to a friend of yours who would come to you with that question, with that predicament in mind? So just ask yourself that question. Okay. Number four, one of my greatest pieces of advice for women is that if they start making you feel like you're not allowed to talk about your feelings, you're not allowed to open up, hey, this made me sad, you're not allowed to tell them something they did had upset leave. Or shall I say, that is probably not a relationship that you would want to be in. Because a real emotionally strong man who is in touch with his feminine and masculine, it's all in a balance, it's all in a good balance, they will provide that space for you where you feel safe, where you feel secure enough that you can tell them pretty much anything. Because the number one piece of advice, and it's going to go segue to number five, the number one thing that I would tell people always is never, ever, ever have secrets in relationships. Do not ever lie to each other, even if it's a small lie. The only time that you're allowed to lie, lie to your partner, and this is probably an unpopular opinion, but the only time that you're allowed to your partners is if you're going to surprise them. That's it. And the reason why I say this is because, you know, some people would tell me, oh, he lied about this. In my experience, I've also been lied to. And some people would also ask me, like, Oh, but he, he lied to me one time. Now you can see that it's become a pattern that they keep lying to you. They keep hiding things from you. And I once was told by somebody, Hey, it's okay to have your privacy in your relationship. It's okay to have some secrets. Like, your partner doesn't have to know everything. And then I find out that this exact same guy who told me this piece of advice had been cheating on his wife for so many years. So, moral of the lesson. No, that's wrong. Moral of the story. Fuck me. Okay. Moral of the story, guys, is that if you start thinking that you can't tell somebody something or you start thinking, you know what, it's okay if he doesn't tell me these things. Like, I'd rather not know. Honestly, why are you even in a relationship to begin with? Because to me, as much as you, you are two individuals coming into a relationship. Yes, it's important to have and maintain some sort of individuality, right? Like, you have your own set of friends. He'll have his own set of friends. You would probably have hobbies that you can't share with him because he just doesn't get it. Like, for example, with golf. My husband likes to play golf. My dad played golf, uh, plays golf. I never understand it. I mean, I could probably go on a mini putt putt. Like, you know, those mini golf things, but I just don't understand it. My body, I don't think, has the capability to swing a golf club and get that tiny little white ball onto a next freaking putting green. I'm probably just going to end up landing the ball in the water all the time. I can try. I, you know, you know what I mean? Like there would be some things that you can't, not can't, but just naturally Aren't able to share with your partner because it's just it's just not in your partner's to do so, you know Like for example a podcast i'm not gonna force my husband to go on a podcast episode with me unless he's really open to it But i'm not gonna force him to be on a reel with me or on a podcast episode with me Like I can't enmesh You These two things if he's not open to it, and I'll be fine with that. My point is, these Like, that's okay. But when it comes to your actively withholding information from your partner, there's something wrong there. And, you know, whenever I hear someone tell me, you know, it's okay to have secrets, fuck no. It's not okay to have secrets because the lies, the bigger lies, they come from smaller lies. And that's why that is my number one rule in my relationship. And I keep telling my husband that I would rather get hurt by the truth than I think I'm living in bliss, but then you're hiding something from me. Well, newsflash, I always, I can always tell when someone's hiding something from me. 98 percent of the time, I can tell. Like my intuition is so fucking on point, it's actually scary when I know that somebody's hiding something from me. So I always tell my husband, it's pointless to hide something from me because I'm going to find out, the truth always comes out. And I actually appreciate him so much because even like the little things with someone reaching out to him who is a, who's a girl, or, um, little things like that, or like, hey, this X person had messaged me about XYZ, and he would tell me. And those things, I fucking appreciate. Like, I honestly think that 100 percent honesty is hot. While some people might not want that because they think ignorance is bliss, then you're in the wrong fucking relationship. I mean, I can't dictate what's right and wrong for people in relationships, but if you want a really solid, steady, safe, secure relationship that really worry you about anything, honesty is key. And I'm not saying, and I'm just not saying about being honest about things that are convenient to be honest about, but Even if you feel like your partner shouldn't know this, I don't know man, like that's just my rule, black sheep here. Go be honest about it anyway. Because when you can peel, peel out all layers. In your relationship, that's where the excitement is, actually, because you're gonna keep learning about each other every single day. It's gonna be exciting. It's gonna be such a dynamic relationship that you won't get bored. So if you can be completely naked with your partner, and I'm I'm not talking about just being physically naked but emotionally naked, spiritually naked, and you can bear everything, bear it all with your partner. Man, that is such a beautiful relationship, at least to me it is. And so again, ladies, this Particular episode, actually. Mostly for ladies. But if men, if you're listening to this too, I don't know, maybe you can pick something up. But, for the ladies, if it feels right, and you're, you know, you're not, Negotiating with yourself and you're not making excuses for somebody else and if someone actually told you hey Like what kind of a guy am I supposed to go for? and if you can think of the guy that you're dating right now or if you think if you're married already or if you Have a boyfriend if you're partnered in a relationship and that is the first person that you can think of You're in a great place. Like, the other time, the other week, my sister had asked me some advice, and I just told her, you know, I kept saying, well, when John and I met, when John and I did this, when John and I had our first date, I kept referring back to him, and that's when I found out, wow, my husband is actually my standard. And I love that for myself. That means I will be able to teach our son to be that kind of man as well. Because that's also how we break generational curses and trauma and all these cycles that keep perpetuating in our lives. Is that the relationships that we choose to be in, that is actually your key to breaking Any kind of negative cycle that's going on in your life. Picture this, okay, just imagine this before I close. Just imagine it. If I still ended up settling for somebody who wasn't up to the standards that I wanted to meet in a, in a husband, I don't know, I probably would've ended up with somebody who keeps lying to me, have a child with them, and then what the fuck am I gonna teach that child? I would probably end up eventually breaking up with that person, and again, leaving another child without a father. So I won't break the cycle if I kept doing that. But when you know what you deserve, and you own what you're worth, and you start acting it, and you start attracting relationships and staying in relationships, and I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, the friendships that you have, the access from family that you allow in your life. It really truly is the kind of relationships that you cultivate outside of yourself that would dictate if you are going to break those negative cycles that's going on in your life. And check it, when you start having these really healthy, happy relationships in your life, friendships, family, romantic, work, professional, watch how it opens all other opportunities in your life because you are now moving. Acting as a person who won't settle for fucking breadcrumbs anymore. And that goes, again, not just romantic breadcrumbs, professional breadcrumbs. When you start elevating the way you allow people to treat you, watch. You will start moving in such a different way. You will start making decisions that actually. begin to break those negative cycles that keep perpetuating in your life. So if you are in a regular negative relationship cycle of, you know, attracting fuckboys, attracting liars, attracting guys who just, you know, give you the bare minimum, then stop celebrating the fucking bare minimum. Just stop and start going for what you really want. And if that means being fucking single and celibate for however long, if that means that you are going on a first date and once you see this person's like not right for you, you cut the date short and you go no contact with that person and you don't stay friends with Embrace that. Because I did that before I met my husband. I was on a date with a guy. First date, magical. I was like, fuck, this is amazing. It's like, I'm gonna stop serially dating if this guy actually proves to be a really, really good guy. Second date, got fucking hammered. Actually, no. After our first date, that's when he got hammered. And so when we got into the second date, because we decided, okay, let's see each other the next day, we saw each other the next day, and guess what? He was fucking hammered. And that turned me off, because my last relationship, he was a closet alcoholic. And I told this guy, I told this guy, it was like, one of the many things that I will not entertain anymore is someone who drinks to get drunk. That is just not something that I would welcome back in my life because I had dealt with it. I had dealt with alcoholism, not, not for myself, but the person that I was with was an alcoholic. And the signs were all there. He was blacking out, fucking started arguments out of nowhere and I couldn't understand it. And then that's when I realized, fuck, he was an alcoholic. He had been drinking behind my back all this time. And so, when this guy that I was going out with, close to his 40s, still partying like his, he's 16, and is hungover the next day for a second date, is a freaking lousy date for a second date, completely like, A 180 degree turnaround. He's, he actually like kept messaging me and told me, Hey, sorry about today, like I still want to keep seeing you. And I said, no, I'm sorry. I said, if that is your idea of your fun, of having fun for you, but that's not me. I'm actually looking for somebody to settle down with. I'm actually looking for somebody to have a family with. I'm actually looking for somebody who can be a good role model for my daughter. This is not it. I can't have somebody partying like he's fucking. High school, in high school, but he's close to his 40s, and when you ask him what he does for a living he can't give you a straight fucking answer. So if you want to break a negative cycle of fuckboys, losers, small dick energied guys coming in and out of your life, you gotta start with the kind of people that you allow to have access to you. And I think that's fucking powerful what I just said. I'm gonna stop here. I'm gonna leave it, leave it at that, because I think that last statement was fucking powerful. And I hope you feel so much more empowered after this. I hope you got to this end because, oh my god, the, the nuggets are here because I actually was able to get, like, more energized and I started moving and I started really tapping into my story. And I think the pieces of advice that you hear on this podcast episode are absolute freaking gold. So ladies do better with Allowing the kind of people who have access to you not just guys Okay, but their relationships if you want to break any kind of negative cycle in your life, you gotta start With your boundaries, so important. So I thank you for listening today. I wish you the best of luck, and if you think that this episode fired you up in a really good way, hit me up on Instagram. My Instagram is at the, like the at sign. Just put at the Black Sheep Co. Send me a message there. And let's talk about this. Let's kiki about this. I would love to hear your thoughts. I hope this helped you out. And I wish you nothing but the best day ever.